Vlad Gets a Cat
by Jackie Jackie Spicer
Summary: CRACK fic...Vlad gets a cat. More chapters to come, maybe. Rated K for now.
1. SEE STORY FOR TITLE

**WOOT! No, I don't snort, but I do chop up my CRACK fics and _smoke_ them.**

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Vlad Masters--billionaire, tycoon, fanatic--strolled down the tight, white aisle, gazing half-heartedly into each cage; hisses and growls ensued. He sneered at his own predicament. He was lonely, middle-aged man, and, as sad, lonely, pathetic, middle-age men do--and as Danny suggested--he decided to get a cat. Vlad had no desire to own an animal before, let alone a mangy, abused, and possibly rabies carrying feline. He had no idea what had happen, but that morning, as he read a thick, title-less book, the strangest urge to coddle some thing overtook him and since Maddie was still delusional about Jack and not seeing Vlad as being a better man in every way and possible form, a cat should suffice. Besides, they did have return policies on those fur bags, don't they?

Vlad sighed and bent over to a specific cage in which no howls, hisses, or any other animal chatter had erupted from, unlike the other hundreds of enclosures. His look of displeasure melted from his face completely as he saw what was inside, though--a reddish clump of fur, curled into a tight ball, sleeping. His heart melted instantly. Vlad waved his hand to signal the attending volunteer over.

"How much is it to adopt this one?" Vlad asked, pointing to the cage in which the feline slept.

"About fifty dollars, like any other cat in this place, 'cept the kittens." The volunteer unhatched the cage and picked up the fluff ball, which was miraculously still asleep. "Mad here was found two weeks ago in a dumpster. We believe she's about five years old."

Vlad looked to the cage and saw above it a name card. Scrolled on it in an elegant hand was "Maddy". His eyes widened; could this be a sign? He looked to the cat in the attending's arm and smiled. If he could not have his Maddie, perhaps he could have this one.

He held out his arms and the volunteer handed Maddy to him. The cat finally woke and Vlad gasped again.

The cat had purple eyes.

_This has to be some sort of sign._

Maddy was place into a cardboard carrier as another volunteer helped Vlad schedule some veterinarian appointments for her. He picked up the box, feeling Maddy shift from the unexpected hoist, a copy of the transaction under his arm and walked out to his limo, humming some unnamed tune.

**-VM-**

Vlad set up a small saucer of milk and a plate of tuna next to a newly purchased, purple, canopy cat bed and smiled.

"Maddy, din-dins."

Accustomed to being called "Maddy", the cat came trotting to Vlad, her freshly brushed coat shining and her new purple leather collar ringing from the silver bell that dangled from it. She crouched in front of the milk and began to lap it up with her small pink tongue.

Vlad smiled; this morning, he had a distain for cats and other such animals, but, now dusk, he found out that they aren't so bad. Maddy had used her new purple porcelain cat box with no egging, she snuggled up to Vlad when he read his books, and so far, kept off the furniture. If all cats where like his litter Maddy, he'd sure to get more.

Maddy head moved up from her dish, milk dripping off her whiskers as she looked, her purple eyes wide. Vlad assumed she was looking at him until he heard a scratching behind him. He turned seeing a fat, black and white cat with a bright orange collar trying to climb up through his window. Vlad was just about to knock the stupid thing bad down when Maddy suddenly jumped up to the male cat. He heard her purr from where he stood; Maddy rubbed herself onto the fat cat.

She jumped down to the outside, Vlad came running to the window. He turned his head left and right to try to find Maddy in the dark.

"Maddy!"

Vlad turned his head as he saw the fat cat had successfully got itself onto his windowsill and was about to swat it away when he saw the ID tag for it:

Jack

Vlad opened his mouth in shock. The Jack-cat jumped, clumsily, from the sill and trotted to, as Vlad could see from his now adjusted eyes, Maddy; the two cats rubbed each other affectionately before disappearing into the bush. He stood there, half-amazed, at what just happened before blurting angrily, "Of course!"

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**First DP fan fic and under thirty minuets. WOO, back, yes.**

**If you read my XS, those are put on hold until I get more chapters up. **

**More chapters to come (maybe).**

**!JACKIE!**


	2. Danny Turns Eighteen

**I have no comment...

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Danny Turns Eighteen

"Happy, happy birthday, to you, to you; happy, happy, birthday, it's true, it's true! Oh, happy, happy birthday, oh, happy, happy birthday--happy, happy birthday to you!"

Multicolored streamers fell from his friends and family's hands as Danny bent over his cake to blow out the eighteen green candles on his chocolate cake.

"Yay!" Tucker shouted as he twirled a noise maker. "Now you can download porn legally!"

"And buy me clove cigarettes!" Sam cried, jumping onto Danny's back.

"You smoke Sam?" Danny asked.

"No, but I've been wanting to try, now, CAKE!"

Maddie--blissfully unaware of the small conversation that just took place--cut the cake, slicing the "D" off of "Danny" first.

"Now, Danny, where's your plate? I've got your favorite part, right here--"

"Uh, Maddie, here's the plate!" Jack said, holding out a platter.

Maddie gave he husband a skeptical look. "And what are the chances that plate reaches Danny?"

"…But it's triple chocolate _fudge!" _

"I'm here Mom," Danny said as he grabbed the cake within a napkin.

"Danny, you know I just got this carpet clean."

He had bit into it, smearing chocolate frosting all over his mouth, and mumbled: "I'll be careful." He swallowed nosily. "I'm gonna go change."

"Why?" Jack asked as he stuffed half his piece of cake into his mouth.

"Sam and Tucker are gonna take me out for a night on the town, duh, I'm eighteen; what else do eighteen year olds do?" In an equally disgusting fashion as his dad's, Danny shoved the rest of his cake into his mouth.

"Well…." His mother thought for a bit. "As long as your in my house, you're going to be back by one."

"What!?" Danny's mouth practically fell through the floor. "That's, that's--"

"Injustice!" Tucker chimed in.

"Unreasonable!" Sam slammed her fist into her palm.

"Just plain wrong!" Danny finished at last.

Maddie rolled her eyes. "As if I wasn't young once too, Danny. Go get changed and be back by one or you're grounded until your twenty-first birthday."

The boy--now legal adult--stuck out his chin in a pout. "You can be so cruel." His mother laughed as he went upstairs.

Danny reached his door when he saw a strange flood of pinkish-red light from under it; as he wondered if he accidentally left on a slasher film he was watching earlier, a strange, floral and sweet smell wafted up into his sinuses, making him sneeze. Danny, scratching his nose, opened his door and stopped just before his foot reached over the thresh hold.

Vlad was in his room.

Oh, no, it wasn't Plasmius or just plain Vlad--it was a naked Vlad. Naked Vlad that seemed to have changed all the light bulbs in Danny's room to pink (or was it his ghost powers; Danny didn't feel his ghost sense), somehow moved his twin bed out and replaced it with a large, round, expensive-looking bed with red sheets (or it could have been the light), and was laying underneath those sheets, having only the said sheets cover that certain spot and leaving the rest of his surprising toned body exposed, smirk on his face, rose in his hands.

"Ah, Daniel," Vlad said, as if he did this all the time to the teen, twirling the rose in his elegant hand, "I see you're now eighteen, and at that notice, I have a proposition for you--"

Danny slammed the door as fast as he could and ran like hell down his stairs and out the front of his house and hoped to hell no one saw his nose bleed…oh, and himself going ghost of course.


End file.
